soul feels very weak
weeping and wailing
for lost is the precious
which i thought could
make my own but
unfortunately couldn't
even with all of my
love care concern
couldn't make her
love me like mine
and even as i
shriek and creep
the morning seems
to be weeping along
for it has been raining
since the morning
after i came back
from my walk
with still swollen
and reddish eyes
... n her last sms
'I miss u too.bt ami commitment rakhbo.tk cr.'
felt like she was
waving me her final
goodbye... for ever!
den how cud tears
stop and how more
quietly could I wail
with every wail
breaking me apart
and with each drop
pain pinching deeper
as though her
bitemarks of love
of my shoulder
became afresh
just that the pain
was now in soul
bhalobeshe toke
korechi ki, janina
shob jeneo egiyechi
bhebechi ki, janina
jokhon aageo erom
hoto, kintu eibaar ta
shesh mone hocche
bujhechi ki, bolte pari!
dosh khujcchi na...
na tor na amar, karur na
bhalo thakish shob niye
asha korbo tor ta
ager moton hote paruk
nijer... bolte parbo na
chokh thamle to pata bujhbe
jol thamle to shukno hobe
naak thamle to golao thambe
...
r jodi nahote parlo ager moton
to thakbo ami ekhanei dariye
with open arms to welcome u back
all d best, shona... am there wid u always
"
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
"
- colplay's 'fix you'
Saturday, July 31, 2010
my experience; adieu: is this final
blogging at this hour certainly with not-a-joyous heart and swollen-red eyes and coughed throat
doesn't make it all too eventful. but then, I could not help but talk it over my blog. yesterday night,
just like one of those nights when things weren't pretty much on my side in her mind...
since evening itself I was restless, and didn't like to return home at usual time. went to park and sat on a bench. bench.... she was very fond of sitting as she'd back problem to some extent. anyways, as usual her missed call came and we talked about things, and then her friend was calling so I kept the call promising to return home soon. I came back home, gave the Rs.6000 as had withdrawn from the ATM on account of giving it to parents at home, for the month. Her missed call came, as usual, and we started talking. It had so happened that her good friend had done finally what he had wished to keeping him out of the picture of something which he was feeling guilty of; yes, so called matters of heart. and after hearing his decision even I braved him, he sure was brave emotionally to take the right decision; the lad's a nice one and having him I sure can bet on him that he'd probably be the best buddy she's ever gonna have, and am happy that at least someone's there who can support her all the way.
oh and yes, amidst all that she had asked me what had I done after coming home, and on my stating of events, she said that I was really nice and knew and acted appropriately, and though she shouldn't say it again but she'd wished if only I had phoned her 2 years prior (as per her now wasn't the right time since she was committed). but then, no good things can take-over the ripple-effects that had presided the evening with her friend's decision; since the case pertained much like ours, only that she knew everything. what succeeded was that series of questions and answers which had only one thing to say: I was the one in between (and didn't I feel like the same?), and I should go, I had already been warned and shouldn't have had taken things this far, and that this is a fact and she's committed, so its better for both of us not to contact each other any more. So, I said what she'd expected me (owing to her-obvious-type-of-pattern and similarity of her friend's situation and apparent decision) that if she thought that my talking to her was making matters worse then I would not talk till she wishes to. this much I can promise, my beloved; although I know that you never loved me.
this, coupled with the noisy-ruckus going on owing to relatives at her place, didn't allow us to talk at a stretch. but then, I always found time (to hold back my tears till they would not be evident from voice, if face showed 'em) and explained to her that the silence mongering in this situation and her am-happy attitude right now would not help since such decision always has impact on both the sides and merely a plastic smile cannot hide this simple fact; all hard and important decisions weren't taken without talking it over, and this was no different. I made her understand (at least I think and understand, from my understanding of her) that I had taken the decision not for myself, but for her happiness. so that she could stop feeling guilty, or at least try to. so that she could give her present stand one more chance of carrying over and re-gaining the lost stature. since she was dilemma-tic and sudden bouts of thoughts had troubled her as well as me in the same breath, sooner or later a stance had to be taken. and since she was unable to take it herself completely, probably this is how I could help her with her way. I was hurt, definitely and undoubtedly it did; for I had nurtured her with all love care concern I possessed and had dream t with her of all those dreams which couples generally do, of future, marriage, children, parents, etc etc. and to let go of all these was never going to be easy. but it had to happen one day probably, so it did.
I also made her understand that no-one really comes in between unless that person satisfies or fulfills the void created in any relationship. no relationship's perfect, but then if the void gets unmanageable then the fault lies with the relationship and its seekers. so if I had not fulfilled any of the void, then probably I would not had assumed any place. but I did cause I was filling what was missing. and even she could not doubt the fact that the times when she was with me (or even when v had talked over the phone), she had always felt happy secure safe cared concerned and all the things that were missing in her present. that i had kept her happy, not materially but emotionally, itself states why was I still there. but then, the guilt-conscious never ceases to exist till it has been done away with. and so probably now she has the chance to do away with, whether her present works or it doesn't. if it does and she's happy lot (in the genuine sense and not the plastic-smile one), I would be happy for her, but if it didn't then she shouldn't blame it on my coming 'cause the void's filling can never be guaranteed under any circumstance; if it has to fill it will, otherwise the flaws will not let the relationship be a stable one.
Finally, I told that no matter what and how, I would continue to be with you in all breath and air that had existed till date, and would talk only when she wished me to. but that would certainly NOT mean, not wishing her important dates and events, and not accepting her wishes. she has been my part from within, and cannot be uprooted at the helm of any god-damn thing. and having loved her madly deeply like never-before, I can only wish the best to her. if only she'd not compared me with anyone, it would have been better, but then the situation demanded such and she had only acted accordingly. It was going to be her call now, and me the mere spectator who once was in the call. And that, if ever she'd wish to come back, I would be there as always with arms outstretched and the same love care affection I have today for her.
doesn't make it all too eventful. but then, I could not help but talk it over my blog. yesterday night,
just like one of those nights when things weren't pretty much on my side in her mind...
since evening itself I was restless, and didn't like to return home at usual time. went to park and sat on a bench. bench.... she was very fond of sitting as she'd back problem to some extent. anyways, as usual her missed call came and we talked about things, and then her friend was calling so I kept the call promising to return home soon. I came back home, gave the Rs.6000 as had withdrawn from the ATM on account of giving it to parents at home, for the month. Her missed call came, as usual, and we started talking. It had so happened that her good friend had done finally what he had wished to keeping him out of the picture of something which he was feeling guilty of; yes, so called matters of heart. and after hearing his decision even I braved him, he sure was brave emotionally to take the right decision; the lad's a nice one and having him I sure can bet on him that he'd probably be the best buddy she's ever gonna have, and am happy that at least someone's there who can support her all the way.
oh and yes, amidst all that she had asked me what had I done after coming home, and on my stating of events, she said that I was really nice and knew and acted appropriately, and though she shouldn't say it again but she'd wished if only I had phoned her 2 years prior (as per her now wasn't the right time since she was committed). but then, no good things can take-over the ripple-effects that had presided the evening with her friend's decision; since the case pertained much like ours, only that she knew everything. what succeeded was that series of questions and answers which had only one thing to say: I was the one in between (and didn't I feel like the same?), and I should go, I had already been warned and shouldn't have had taken things this far, and that this is a fact and she's committed, so its better for both of us not to contact each other any more. So, I said what she'd expected me (owing to her-obvious-type-of-pattern and similarity of her friend's situation and apparent decision) that if she thought that my talking to her was making matters worse then I would not talk till she wishes to. this much I can promise, my beloved; although I know that you never loved me.
this, coupled with the noisy-ruckus going on owing to relatives at her place, didn't allow us to talk at a stretch. but then, I always found time (to hold back my tears till they would not be evident from voice, if face showed 'em) and explained to her that the silence mongering in this situation and her am-happy attitude right now would not help since such decision always has impact on both the sides and merely a plastic smile cannot hide this simple fact; all hard and important decisions weren't taken without talking it over, and this was no different. I made her understand (at least I think and understand, from my understanding of her) that I had taken the decision not for myself, but for her happiness. so that she could stop feeling guilty, or at least try to. so that she could give her present stand one more chance of carrying over and re-gaining the lost stature. since she was dilemma-tic and sudden bouts of thoughts had troubled her as well as me in the same breath, sooner or later a stance had to be taken. and since she was unable to take it herself completely, probably this is how I could help her with her way. I was hurt, definitely and undoubtedly it did; for I had nurtured her with all love care concern I possessed and had dream t with her of all those dreams which couples generally do, of future, marriage, children, parents, etc etc. and to let go of all these was never going to be easy. but it had to happen one day probably, so it did.
I also made her understand that no-one really comes in between unless that person satisfies or fulfills the void created in any relationship. no relationship's perfect, but then if the void gets unmanageable then the fault lies with the relationship and its seekers. so if I had not fulfilled any of the void, then probably I would not had assumed any place. but I did cause I was filling what was missing. and even she could not doubt the fact that the times when she was with me (or even when v had talked over the phone), she had always felt happy secure safe cared concerned and all the things that were missing in her present. that i had kept her happy, not materially but emotionally, itself states why was I still there. but then, the guilt-conscious never ceases to exist till it has been done away with. and so probably now she has the chance to do away with, whether her present works or it doesn't. if it does and she's happy lot (in the genuine sense and not the plastic-smile one), I would be happy for her, but if it didn't then she shouldn't blame it on my coming 'cause the void's filling can never be guaranteed under any circumstance; if it has to fill it will, otherwise the flaws will not let the relationship be a stable one.
Finally, I told that no matter what and how, I would continue to be with you in all breath and air that had existed till date, and would talk only when she wished me to. but that would certainly NOT mean, not wishing her important dates and events, and not accepting her wishes. she has been my part from within, and cannot be uprooted at the helm of any god-damn thing. and having loved her madly deeply like never-before, I can only wish the best to her. if only she'd not compared me with anyone, it would have been better, but then the situation demanded such and she had only acted accordingly. It was going to be her call now, and me the mere spectator who once was in the call. And that, if ever she'd wish to come back, I would be there as always with arms outstretched and the same love care affection I have today for her.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
my experience; bhoy, jeta ekke baare bhoyaboho, jeno...
bhoye-2 aaj abaar
jokhon dekhlam ashole
ki hote pade bhoyaboho,
shudhu prarthona kori
je ache oo mon-o
mejaj-e, kichu ta theek
kenoki bhoy-er eei
roop dekhlam prothom
oshanto-ta jake bole
baar baar ring kora
busy thaka shotte-o
jeno ki phone tar
moddhe theke ekti
haath beriye ooke
chadbe na konomotei
jotobar-i oor opor
jhod badal esheche
toto-bari ami-o
uthechi kepe
aar aaj jaante padlam
je ooi bhoy-er roop
koto ta bhoyaboho
buk ta dhor-pod - 2
kore othe baar-2
joto baar bhabi
ooi phone-r conversation
phone ta rakha-r aage
oo bolechilo,
"bhoy korche ki hobe"
aar aami oke
kichu bhabe
matha aar mon
thanda rakhte bollam
aar line ta
disconnect kore dilam,
kotha hocchilo amader
majhkhane kichu
ekta crucial niye,
jeta bhalo moton-i
shesh hoye jeto
had it not been
for that fear-pyscho
ekhono mon-e ekti
bhoy, je ki hoyeche
ki ache shona theek
ki geche hobe
oor mon-er opor
diye, jokhon shunte
hoyeche hobe
koda-koda shobdo
eto bhoy je mon
ekhono kepe uthche
kichu bhabe shanto
kore nijeke lihkchi
eei lekha, kaan-e
'nirvana unplugged'
shunte shunte...
haath pa kintu
kepe uthche ekhono
ki je hoyeche hobe
haath norbor-2 kore
type korchi jokhon
gola shukiye ashche
jeno halka ekta
kintu continuous
baetha hoye buk-e
pet-tao golacche
icche kore phute-2
kende uth-te,
kintu ki kore
badi thakle she-o
hoye uth-to
office-e je decorum
maintain korte hoye
thakur, jeno shona
ta-ke mon-er jor
aar mejaj thanda
rakhar shokti diyo
plz thakur...
oor problem hole
je amar-o problem
oke bhalo rekho, thakur
kichu kore-o hok
oke bhalo rekho...
plz...
jokhon dekhlam ashole
ki hote pade bhoyaboho,
shudhu prarthona kori
je ache oo mon-o
mejaj-e, kichu ta theek
kenoki bhoy-er eei
roop dekhlam prothom
oshanto-ta jake bole
baar baar ring kora
busy thaka shotte-o
jeno ki phone tar
moddhe theke ekti
haath beriye ooke
chadbe na konomotei
jotobar-i oor opor
jhod badal esheche
toto-bari ami-o
uthechi kepe
aar aaj jaante padlam
je ooi bhoy-er roop
koto ta bhoyaboho
buk ta dhor-pod - 2
kore othe baar-2
joto baar bhabi
ooi phone-r conversation
phone ta rakha-r aage
oo bolechilo,
"bhoy korche ki hobe"
aar aami oke
kichu bhabe
matha aar mon
thanda rakhte bollam
aar line ta
disconnect kore dilam,
kotha hocchilo amader
majhkhane kichu
ekta crucial niye,
jeta bhalo moton-i
shesh hoye jeto
had it not been
for that fear-pyscho
ekhono mon-e ekti
bhoy, je ki hoyeche
ki ache shona theek
ki geche hobe
oor mon-er opor
diye, jokhon shunte
hoyeche hobe
koda-koda shobdo
eto bhoy je mon
ekhono kepe uthche
kichu bhabe shanto
kore nijeke lihkchi
eei lekha, kaan-e
'nirvana unplugged'
shunte shunte...
haath pa kintu
kepe uthche ekhono
ki je hoyeche hobe
haath norbor-2 kore
type korchi jokhon
gola shukiye ashche
jeno halka ekta
kintu continuous
baetha hoye buk-e
pet-tao golacche
icche kore phute-2
kende uth-te,
kintu ki kore
badi thakle she-o
hoye uth-to
office-e je decorum
maintain korte hoye
thakur, jeno shona
ta-ke mon-er jor
aar mejaj thanda
rakhar shokti diyo
plz thakur...
oor problem hole
je amar-o problem
oke bhalo rekho, thakur
kichu kore-o hok
oke bhalo rekho...
plz...
Monday, July 19, 2010
my thoughts and experience; life has its own healing mechanism
as i'm 'bout to leave office for the day (n weekend) a bit early, due to the sudden plan to visit my 'ol friend mamta in manali over the weekend, i sit beside the system pondering over the thought of the weekend-
"Life does not care about what we want...just about what we need...and that is good",
as mailed to me by the CSC official thought over the weekend.
i dont knw as to its fullness, but yes i've experienced it. still, like an ever-curious and always-experimenting
individual, i try to gather energy over the thought; specially when i'm escaping the home-stay for the weekend. its been quite a good-lot time since i've known the probability of the relationship dat i've recently been wanting to formulate. i've done my bit (n extra as well), but still as i stand on dis day pondering over
the tormented and once-again-broken-heart of mine, i only feel dat mayb this was destiny. it is a lot painful in my state as i'm rite now, and dont know when will it heal; but i know it will, it has to. i do not have the guts to end my life, and neither do i have the energy to make it drunk and spoilt. i have my responsibilities, and i have a li'l soul of hope within me which keeps on pushing, "this too shall pass"; much a soothsayer!
to be true, i always had the knowledge and warning that the one i was interested in was already committed, and the warnings had been given by the one herself. but still, owing to many small and big things, i kept on drawing towards her, and she too was happy wid me and felt secure too. but at the end of the day, she was confused as to whom should be be with, coz the one in her life was there for 2 yrs and had done a lot for her specially when she needed it. so there i was, standing on a tumblesome platform, decided that i had to give her space to choose whom she wants. and so i promised her that i will never force her into any relationship and she was free with her decision but would always be wid her as a good friend (and probably more) as she'd always found me. and ever since such a declaration, my sorrow never ceases; and having tried many so-called solutions i never got the desirede effect. and hence i can say that all this takes is time and space, and also in the course of time, who knows what might happen. Coz even to this day (my weekend was in manali) contact with her has never ceased, and she misses me as much as i do of her, cares/concerns for me in d same fashion. so, widout expecting much, i just do what i shud, being the same for her; leaving everything else on time, space, and god. waiting n watching...
"Life does not care about what we want...just about what we need...and that is good",
as mailed to me by the CSC official thought over the weekend.
i dont knw as to its fullness, but yes i've experienced it. still, like an ever-curious and always-experimenting
individual, i try to gather energy over the thought; specially when i'm escaping the home-stay for the weekend. its been quite a good-lot time since i've known the probability of the relationship dat i've recently been wanting to formulate. i've done my bit (n extra as well), but still as i stand on dis day pondering over
the tormented and once-again-broken-heart of mine, i only feel dat mayb this was destiny. it is a lot painful in my state as i'm rite now, and dont know when will it heal; but i know it will, it has to. i do not have the guts to end my life, and neither do i have the energy to make it drunk and spoilt. i have my responsibilities, and i have a li'l soul of hope within me which keeps on pushing, "this too shall pass"; much a soothsayer!
to be true, i always had the knowledge and warning that the one i was interested in was already committed, and the warnings had been given by the one herself. but still, owing to many small and big things, i kept on drawing towards her, and she too was happy wid me and felt secure too. but at the end of the day, she was confused as to whom should be be with, coz the one in her life was there for 2 yrs and had done a lot for her specially when she needed it. so there i was, standing on a tumblesome platform, decided that i had to give her space to choose whom she wants. and so i promised her that i will never force her into any relationship and she was free with her decision but would always be wid her as a good friend (and probably more) as she'd always found me. and ever since such a declaration, my sorrow never ceases; and having tried many so-called solutions i never got the desirede effect. and hence i can say that all this takes is time and space, and also in the course of time, who knows what might happen. Coz even to this day (my weekend was in manali) contact with her has never ceased, and she misses me as much as i do of her, cares/concerns for me in d same fashion. so, widout expecting much, i just do what i shud, being the same for her; leaving everything else on time, space, and god. waiting n watching...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
my experience; adieu: gone is she
yesterday night was
calm and serene
but had no clue
as to what storm
was carrying within
and today morning
felt its aftermath -
she was gone!
yesterday night had
promised her what
she wanted, always
with her without
interfering her
and today morning
saw it interfering
with inside of me.
still, a word is
duty for gentleman;
i may be none, but
at least for her
and that too with
an oath on her head
would not lie,
and so I keep
the oath and
wait for to
settle within
myself if I could
yesterday night and
today morning had
its common effects -
swollen reddish eyes,
dreary throat and
running nose;
all through the night
and now don't know
till when to the day(s).
even now as I
dutifully perform
what she charted-out
for my routine,
waking up,
morning walk,
glucon-D, etc;
dont know how
would her effect
wear out, because
every small thing
makes me remember
and such is the
power that has
kept inside of me
in form of love,
care, affection,
worry, advise
for her and only
I pray for her
well-being,
for her success,
for her career,
for her life
(personal one),
for her family and friends,
and pray that
she gets what
she wishes for
and succeeds
eventually.
this I pray
with my whole,
though upset
and torn and
pained bad,
heart and hope
for it to come
true. for I
shall always
stand by her,
a little behind
her to catch
her if she falls,
to come with
her line if
she needs help
or wishes to
share or confess
or have it solved.
Even when she
wishes to return
(ever) back to me,
I shall be there
I shall
and thats a promise
till my whole is
alive and kicking
and till I do not
get tied onto
responsibilities
for life;
till such, I shall
always keep
my promise.
calm and serene
but had no clue
as to what storm
was carrying within
and today morning
felt its aftermath -
she was gone!
yesterday night had
promised her what
she wanted, always
with her without
interfering her
and today morning
saw it interfering
with inside of me.
still, a word is
duty for gentleman;
i may be none, but
at least for her
and that too with
an oath on her head
would not lie,
and so I keep
the oath and
wait for to
settle within
myself if I could
yesterday night and
today morning had
its common effects -
swollen reddish eyes,
dreary throat and
running nose;
all through the night
and now don't know
till when to the day(s).
even now as I
dutifully perform
what she charted-out
for my routine,
waking up,
morning walk,
glucon-D, etc;
dont know how
would her effect
wear out, because
every small thing
makes me remember
and such is the
power that has
kept inside of me
in form of love,
care, affection,
worry, advise
for her and only
I pray for her
well-being,
for her success,
for her career,
for her life
(personal one),
for her family and friends,
and pray that
she gets what
she wishes for
and succeeds
eventually.
this I pray
with my whole,
though upset
and torn and
pained bad,
heart and hope
for it to come
true. for I
shall always
stand by her,
a little behind
her to catch
her if she falls,
to come with
her line if
she needs help
or wishes to
share or confess
or have it solved.
Even when she
wishes to return
(ever) back to me,
I shall be there
I shall
and thats a promise
till my whole is
alive and kicking
and till I do not
get tied onto
responsibilities
for life;
till such, I shall
always keep
my promise.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
my thoughts; fear and loss...
kalke flight aar aaj
what a mockery have
i made out of myself
eei char din hobe ki
eto din chilo ek rokom
r aaj palte-i dilo
ooi shob-er poribhasha
theek to noe, but ei
baar jeno harano pai
nijeke, here java manush
here gelam shei shob
muhurte jokhon amar
opor porlo raag-er baaj
dariye uthlam tarpor-i
tobe aaj mone hoye
here gechi, baje bhabe
here gelam shei shob
din jobe mana chilo
r asha-r kiron kom
joliye uthlam nijer
moddhe asto bishash,
tobe aaj bheshe jaye
shei saath, jeno erom
mone hoye
here gechi, ooi oto baar
baba-ma jokhon nakhush
ma jokhon biased r rege
r baba jokhon manaye,
kore tuli abar notun
nijeke shob bhabe
r jagayi bishash je hobe
ek na ek din hobe;
tobe aaj roye jae
shei notunota, bishash
bole uthe jeno
'cholo, aro joto paro...
dekhi koto ti paro
shehsh muhurte,
Ha hA Ha hA !'
r shei bikot bhoyaboho
hanshi, kepe uthe
amar mone, hridoye
jani, bodhae mehendi porche
r haathe call dhorte parbe na
tao mone hoye, mon-e mejaj-e
kharap ache o r tai shei
cheshta kori oke manate,
beroi ekhon 4pm office-thek
bole je doctor-appointment ache
beroi eei jonne je r lagbe na mon
kichutei joto khun na shuni awaj
shei... cheshtae...
oke kotha bolate...
oor awaj shunte...
what a mockery have
i made out of myself
eei char din hobe ki
eto din chilo ek rokom
r aaj palte-i dilo
ooi shob-er poribhasha
theek to noe, but ei
baar jeno harano pai
nijeke, here java manush
here gelam shei shob
muhurte jokhon amar
opor porlo raag-er baaj
dariye uthlam tarpor-i
tobe aaj mone hoye
here gechi, baje bhabe
here gelam shei shob
din jobe mana chilo
r asha-r kiron kom
joliye uthlam nijer
moddhe asto bishash,
tobe aaj bheshe jaye
shei saath, jeno erom
mone hoye
here gechi, ooi oto baar
baba-ma jokhon nakhush
ma jokhon biased r rege
r baba jokhon manaye,
kore tuli abar notun
nijeke shob bhabe
r jagayi bishash je hobe
ek na ek din hobe;
tobe aaj roye jae
shei notunota, bishash
bole uthe jeno
'cholo, aro joto paro...
dekhi koto ti paro
shehsh muhurte,
Ha hA Ha hA !'
r shei bikot bhoyaboho
hanshi, kepe uthe
amar mone, hridoye
jani, bodhae mehendi porche
r haathe call dhorte parbe na
tao mone hoye, mon-e mejaj-e
kharap ache o r tai shei
cheshta kori oke manate,
beroi ekhon 4pm office-thek
bole je doctor-appointment ache
beroi eei jonne je r lagbe na mon
kichutei joto khun na shuni awaj
shei... cheshtae...
oke kotha bolate...
oor awaj shunte...
my thoughts and experience; cropped and sowed, again and again
Uncertainity lies at the core
of tumbling and tossings
where a plane-scent now becomes
awkwardly undecent moment next
And of all barrens,
though bright at top
with grass and hay,
makes muddy slop with
endangering thickness;
and only till you hold
out arm as long,
will you dig in deep
with atleast a chance
of help and escape, or
shoud I say with
a sane life ahead but
with enough blockers
to put you out at will
Near is only seemingly
coz it never nears enough,
and at times when it seems
does it shake and stirr
the very moment to capture
so much so as to make
the moment loose from self,
and take the blame for
a lost chance and its deity
Though not much but hours,
still all those left only
brood and seeth the lost,
and not bask with the one
that cometh way-long next;
maybe they know of this,
only to be held tightly
till block after block
and pain on pain shoved-in
take their toll foray-ed
and make 'this' seem
another seemingly touch
yet away, far...
So, as it again 'seems',
admist rain and cloud
I land on territory
known for ages as mine
but unknown now of thine
and with shaky soul
as I write now and then
does it get really calm
when at the center lies
the same uncertain core
Wished, did I, more?
or was I not able for?
Seeth, had they?
then, failed why
to alarm?
Cometh, it didnt
and still left
in lurch, of pain?
Or knoweth YOU did
and still chose to
hand on, lame?
Then, at all, why,
why should it be;
why should it stay;
why I YOU they it,
feel the same
one way or the other,
ever?
Lost, left, cropped
and abysmally dropped
to now, then,
but till when...
reaping your deeds
as you DID sow own
and learning again
only to forget
and cry, and to
blame and fry.
why...
tell me, o mind
tell me, o heart
tell me, o all
that have watched me
from inside years all;
why
and
till when...
of tumbling and tossings
where a plane-scent now becomes
awkwardly undecent moment next
And of all barrens,
though bright at top
with grass and hay,
makes muddy slop with
endangering thickness;
and only till you hold
out arm as long,
will you dig in deep
with atleast a chance
of help and escape, or
shoud I say with
a sane life ahead but
with enough blockers
to put you out at will
Near is only seemingly
coz it never nears enough,
and at times when it seems
does it shake and stirr
the very moment to capture
so much so as to make
the moment loose from self,
and take the blame for
a lost chance and its deity
Though not much but hours,
still all those left only
brood and seeth the lost,
and not bask with the one
that cometh way-long next;
maybe they know of this,
only to be held tightly
till block after block
and pain on pain shoved-in
take their toll foray-ed
and make 'this' seem
another seemingly touch
yet away, far...
So, as it again 'seems',
admist rain and cloud
I land on territory
known for ages as mine
but unknown now of thine
and with shaky soul
as I write now and then
does it get really calm
when at the center lies
the same uncertain core
Wished, did I, more?
or was I not able for?
Seeth, had they?
then, failed why
to alarm?
Cometh, it didnt
and still left
in lurch, of pain?
Or knoweth YOU did
and still chose to
hand on, lame?
Then, at all, why,
why should it be;
why should it stay;
why I YOU they it,
feel the same
one way or the other,
ever?
Lost, left, cropped
and abysmally dropped
to now, then,
but till when...
reaping your deeds
as you DID sow own
and learning again
only to forget
and cry, and to
blame and fry.
why...
tell me, o mind
tell me, o heart
tell me, o all
that have watched me
from inside years all;
why
and
till when...
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